Now What am I Supposed to do, God?
I am amazed and, I don’t know why, that when I blog about something within a 48 hour period I need the very thing I blogged on. I started this blog for me! I needed the therapy it offers me. I needed to put “pen to paper” to make sense of things and to organize my thoughts. I was so shocked when people actually read it! I still am actually!! I thought if nothing else I would have a personal prayer journal I could refer back to for years to come. I mean it is free and doesn’t take up any space!
Today is one of those days I have to just lay it all out there in raw emotion! I have to forget about what people may think. This is when I have to pray and listen like I have never listened before. I am at an odd place in my life where I feel like I am suspended in neutral! Both of my children are home. They went to school, graduated with honors, have a bright future before them, yet nothing is moving! NOTHING! I know I have to stay “up” emotionally for their sakes, but when they hurt as a parent you feel it just as vividly as they do and more so…they are your babies no matter how old they are! When their tears come, so do yours!
We just moved to a new church not long ago, and as loving as my church is, I don’t really have relationships established where I can say, “I need prayer! I need to hear what God has to say on many ‘up close and personal’ matters!” My best of friends are busy dealing with deaths, weddings of children, and carrying on businesses their loved ones left behind. I feel alone during this time! When did it all change so suddenly??
All I can think is, yet again, God wants me dependent on Him and Him alone! And I can depend on Him!!! He has NEVER failed me, not once in all of my 51 years of living, but I must say I feel all 51 years of my life this time! During these times, I grab my Bible and pray this very specific prayer…”Father, nothing is hidden from you. You know every single thing I am facing! You have my answer in the word and I ask you to direct me to it. Give me peace and cause everything to work out for Your glory and honor! Show me the way You would have me to go. Direct my path and cause me to know what to do when I get there. In Jesus’ mighty name I pray….Amen” Tonight, I did that very thing. I grabbed my Bible and God directed me to this familiar verse of scripture I have had to stand on many times!
The first time I ever saw this scripture we had been hit and hit hard by Hurricane Rita. It tore a fourth of my house off. We had evacuated because just a month earlier Hurricane Katrina had caused horrific devastation to our neighbors in Louisiana. We knew to take the warning seriously and to get out when we were told to! My brother left where he had evacuated to to come back into town to investigate the damage to our home and to my parent’s home. He could leave more freely because he had been our city attorney and was known to be trustworthy. There was a ruling if you came into the city you would not be allowed to leave back out for safety reasons. Unfortunately, during hurricanes and other types of devastation where people have had to leave their homes the thieves show up and pilfer through every valuable you may have…whether there is sentimental value to it or not they don’t care….they will clean you out and never feel a shred of guilt doing it!
My brother called with the report of what we would find when we got home. We were not expected to have electricity for at least six weeks. My husband and I prayed about what we were to do next. We went and purchased a travel trailer and moved it to a state park along with my parents. We were allowed to stay free of charge because we were considered “victims of a natural disaster”. Never before in my life had I been a victim of anything and to tell you the truth I still don’t feel like I have been a victim until this day! This was September of 2005 and it was my son’s senior year.
One day my husband and our children decided to explore the trails of the state campground. I stayed in the trailer to have prayer time with God. I grabbed my Bible and it fell open to Job. I was disappointed and told God so. I mean JOB??? I needed Psalms or something of encouragement!! As I began to read, it became abundantly clear why God had me read here. I have NEVER read a scripture that had such a prophetic anointing on it as this one did! It is Job 22:21-22….” Acquaint now yourself with Him [agree with God and show yourself to be conformed to His will] and be at peace; by that [you shall prosper and great] good shall come to you.
22 Receive, I pray you, the law and instruction from His mouth and lay up His words in your heart.
That scripture still resonates in my heart when I go through a time of trial or have a day like I had today! It means remember and know what God is saying through His word and personally to you…don’t argue….agree with Him and be obedient! When you do peace will come to your mind and great good in the physical will follow. Keep it in your heart and don’t forget His promises and you will see it happen better than you thought it could ever be.
Exactly as He promised, God took away everything I hated about my house and replaced it with the dining room I had always dreamed of! We added 300 square feet to our home, increased its value, and it was all totally paid for without us having to go into crushing debt! Something beautiful came out of disaster, and so shall it be again! You see God’s idea of restoration isn’t our idea of restoration. Restoration in the Bible is defined as being brought to a state that is better than what it originally was before. Hence, my dining room instead of no dining room at all! He gave me my dream not what little I had originally. That is God’s idea of restoring! It is much different than man’s.
Even now I feel God’s peace permeating me! I am breathing easily, my heart is no longer racing, and I am again built up in my most holy faith! I love God so much! He never lets me down, even when things seem impossible and you have no place to turn! Thank God He is an ever present help in the time of trouble and He is always waiting to help me in a time of need!