However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 ESV
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 ESV
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Our marriage has always been a work in progress! From day one until 29 years later, it has been talking, compromising, planning, staying on the same page.
My husband and I are total opposites! I mean you cannot get more opposite than what we are! We have two things in common. We love each other and we believe the same way spiritually speaking. My husband loves me deeply. I am not sure why. I am not pulling for sympathy, this is a statement of fact nothing more. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, I can see it in little things he does. For example, tonight I had not felt well because I had been hurting from falling in the hole on our anniversary when we went camping and I got little to no sleep the night before. He was heading to the evening service at church later and I asked him before he left would he fix a fire in the fireplace for me. “I might if I have time.” I didn’t think any more about it, but when I got up from resting my back and went to the living room there in the fireplace was a beautiful blazing fire!
He has always done things like this. He would fix my coffee for every morning even though in all of our married life he has only drunk half a cup. He would lie on my side of the bed in the winter time until I got there to warm it up for me. He scratches my back to relax me every single night of my life! My husband works at home and when he hears me get up and start to stir, he walks in and gives me a big hug and kisses me and asks me how I slept. I can see in his eyes, with all of my bed head, no make-up, a few pounds heavier, and my face not quite as smooth as it was 30 years ago the love he has for me runs even deeper than it did in the beginning!
The other morning I was in a huge hurry. I had to have some photographs taken for an event. I was grabbing things throwing them in sacks and suddenly I heard something crash and break. I looked and it was my favorite bracelet. It went with everything!! I am a huge bling girl, so this was very annoying. My husband had the next day off. He told me he was going to play golf and he did. What he didn’t tell me was he had fished the broken bracelet out of the trash and spent the other half of his day shopping at the mall (something he hates voraciously) looking for another bracelet identical to the one I broke to replace it. Girls, don’t give me cruises, expensive chocolates, huge houses and fancy cars once a year! Give me a man who treats me like a queen every single day of my life just like my husband does! I feel sorry for women who are married to men who only give them things and never their hearts! And I feel sorry for husbands whose wives only want and take and never give gratitude and respect for someone who is probably the best thing that ever happened to them!
I had been thinking about all of this and then I began to shamefully think about some other things. For all that my husband so thoughtfully does for me, there are certain things he does that can really grate on my nerves. I was thinking about all the “negatives” or what I perceived as negative. On this particular day I found my tone gruff and my manner as well. Nothing puts me in a worse mood than to be running late and having to hurry and this was one of those days!! It seems everything goes wrong at those times. As I rushed around I was barking orders to my husband and he was doing them at HIS pace instead of MINE! The more he did this, the angrier I became. I could feel my frustration level rising. Finally, I snappishly said to him, “Oh, just leave it! I will do it myself!!” As I drove off in the car I began to rehearse his less than perfect traits. Oddly, I never once thought of mine!! Suddenly, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and reminded me of all the things he did do that was beyond what I ever thought to expect.
“A love so deep and so true deserves respect”, the Holy Spirit said. Oh, I could feel it. I no longer was feeling sorry for myself, I was feeling sorry for my husband! In all that he did and does for me, I failed to appreciate him and even worse I failed to do what the Bible says and RESPECT him!
What we rehearse the most in our minds is what our very lives will become! If we rehearse all the bad, the worse our world becomes and those in it that we hold responsible, often times unfairly, we begin to loathe instead of love. How very sad we destroy the love and its depths along with the relationship God so generously blessed us with! I find when I rehearse the positive, it acts as a magnet to bring more positive things to my life! A grateful heart always gets blessed!
Having some challenges in your marriage today? Write down five things your spouse does for you that is done just because they love you. Keep that list in front of your eyes all week, especially when things begin to get on your nerves, yet again! Rehearse it over and over!! Remind yourself of that love! Then write down at the end of the week how it was different from the other weeks. How it turned out to be surprisingly better than you expected. Your spouse will see the change in you, which will prompt some changes in them. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain or preserve, whichever the case may be!
Blessings to you, precious reader! See you soon!