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Nobody Ever Tells You…

cody kate and meWhen you first find out you are going to be a mother, you hear all types of advice and things to expect.  You are told to play classical music and point the speakers toward your growing tummy and your baby will be musically inclined, to read the encyclopedia to it and they will be gifted, what stroller to get, what baby bed is best, what to do the nursery in, the best pediatricians to use, and the list goes on and on!  But, what you don’t hear about is the pain and agony you go through when they grow up and leave you.

My son lives in Arkansas.  He is a minister and I am so very blessed!!  Our vacation has been spent seeing him.  I don’t want to say good-bye, I don’t want to leave.  No amount of Chihuahuas (well, maybe one more…or two) take away the pain of my children growing up! You know it HAS to happen, is bound to happen, and something would be wrong if it didn’t, BUT there is no comfort in that either!

I still have my daughter and will for two more years, which I am grateful for (it makes her cry for some reason…go figure!).  But, empty nesting the second time is just as hard as it was the first time…why didn’t anyone tell me about this??  Is there a support group for this sort of thing???

I look at the love my children have for God and others, the way they love to serve, and to hear what they want for the future.  I love to see how they write scriptures and tape them to their mirrors and speak the word, knowing it in their hearts not just their heads!  I am blessed, so very blessed!

You never stop being a mother and they will never stop being your babies.  I will be fine…they just better realize they will never get too big for my lap or my rocking chair, no matter where that may be!  The book “I Love You Forever” is so true…I love you forever, and forever my baby you will be!

 

 

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Marriage and Family-One Of My Favorite Things In Life!

one of my favorite things in life

 

 

One of my favorite things in life is traveling, especially when we are able to take our travel trailer!  This week, my husband has a case in a town about 3 hours away and I get to go with him, and we are going in my beloved “home away from home”!  Yes, there is a little bit of hillbilly in me!

I love having these trips with hubby!  When he is finished with work, we go find great restaurants, flea markets, and antique shops.  We then come back to an excited Gracie and just have down time together…just the two of us!  I think that is what I love most is having hubby all to myself!

It is so important, whether before or after you have empty nested, to have times away.  Even if it is just a day trip, make time to go and do something fun and different.  It may be just the two of you going to a zoo, on a scenic drive, or a full-fledged weekend get-away,  but whatever it is get away from phones, computers, and the daily routine and find new things to explore together!  It is like a booster shot for marriages!

If we aren’t careful, we will get so concentrated on the kids and the activities we have them in our spouse can rarely be seen, much less have quality time with them!  Soon life becomes a rat race even at home and our mates suffer.  Once the kids are grown and gone you can easily look at each other and almost ask, “Who are you?”.   A good way to know if you are making the time necessary to keep your marriage healthy and strong is to ask yourself, “When was the last time I gave my undivided attention to my spouse without thinking about what I needed to hurry and do next?”   You will know from your answer if it is time to break away, even if it just means a walk together!

Sometimes, we can get so busy, even with noble things, our spouses suffer!  God‘s first institution was not the church, but marriage.  Don’t get me wrong, church is of utmost importance and hubby and I are there every time the doors open, BUT we don’t put serving others over serving one another!  The authority and order of your home  is meant to be God, then your spouse, then children.  This order was set in place by God, Himself.  When we get those priorities out-of-order or balance, then there is an open door for trouble!

Your marriage is your first ministry and what you put the most time into is what will flourish!  Time away is a good way to make sure bonding is still taking place, even when you have been married many years.

Just a tidbit, precious reader!  Have a blessed day in the Lord!  I will see you soon!

 

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Marriage and Family-Don’t Be Impossible to Please!

 don't be impossible to please

 

 The saying we are our own worst enemy is so true, and so very sad.  When there is an “enemy” to us, we are not the only ones to suffer.  The ones who love us suffer, also.  When we make impossible demands on our spouses or we are a walking contradiction in what we SAY makes us happy as opposed to what actually does, we have become enemies to our own marriages.

I want to give you some “happiness” tips.  Simple tweaks can make huge differences!

1.  Don’t say one thing, but mean another.  If you want flowers from your husband on Valentine’s Day, don’t tell him you don’t!  It is amazing to me how much this sort of thing happens in marriages and then the wife is angry and bitter because of it.  I was talking to a lady recently that told me her husband always forgets her birthday.  She then told me she stopped celebrating it over 20 years ago because something tragic happened to her family just a day or two before her birthday.  She was upset with her husband for not celebrating her birthday, yet she herself tells others she doesn’t celebrate due to bad memories.  When her WORDS are respected (because this isn’t how she really feels or what she even wants) and the birthday comes and goes without fanfare, she is upset!  You cannot win in this contradiction she has created!  I actually felt sorry for her husband.  If you want something, don’t tell others you don’t and then resent them when they respect your wishes!  You have put your mate in a place they cannot win and you have lied and been deceptive in your relationship.  You said one thing when you actually meant another…that is not truth!  You have also opened the door for the devil to bring bitterness into your heart.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

2.  Don’t expect your spouse to be a mind reader!  If something is bothering me that my husband is doing or not doing, when he asks me what is wrong I don’t tell him nothing is and then give the silent treatment until the poor thing figures it out!  Some people love to pout!  They love for people to feel sorry for them, and frankly, they love the attention this unhealthy and neurotic behavior gets!  If you are doing this, you are being very unfair to your spouse and you are NOT walking in the love of God!  Even the Bible tells us to ask God so that we may receive and God can read your mind!  If God expects you to ask Him, He expects you to afford your mate the same respect!  If your spouse is not meeting a need you have, tell them in love!  At the same time, turn it around and ask them if there is something they need you to do or change.  After all, you are no mind reader either!

3.  Return the favor!  There are things my husband does for me all the time without me having to ask.  One of those things is washing my car, keeping the oil changed, and keeping all the “stickers” up to date!  He isn’t required to do this.  He does it out of his love for me.  One day my husband called me from work.  This particular day was a hectic one for me.  It seemed everyone that day needed a piece of me.  I had things I had to get done for a project, my children had things that needed my attention, I had a million errands to run, and I didn’t feel well that day.  When he called he asked me very sweetly if I could pick up his suit from the dry cleaners.  It was as if it was the last straw.  I curtly told him I would, all the while thinking how he could so easily pull into the cleaners on his way home.  I even voiced this to him!  What had I done?  I had overscheduled myself through poor planning and I let my husband suffer the effects of it.  There he had been lovingly serving me and I was resentful when he asked for one simple thing!  I knew that suit was in the cleaners and I knew before this particular day it needed to be picked up.  I should have gone and gotten it for him without having to be asked.  I would have been furious if my husband had made me last on his list of priorities, yet that is what I had done to him.  Be appreciative of the little things instead of concentrating on all that you could gripe about!  Think about them and mull them over in your mind until you truly are grateful!  Then think about how you can bless your spouse the way they have blessed you.  You will be amazed the change in the atmosphere of your home and in your relationship by doing something so simple!

I hope you have gleaned from this, precious reader!  None of these things require major effort, but they make a huge difference in whether our relationships fail or succeed!  They are well worth doing and you will find your love deepening through the years because of them instead of  slipping slowly away from one another! 

Blessings to you.  I will see you soon!   Juliana

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Marriage and Family-Ladies, You Are The Heart of Your Family!

you are the heart of your family

 

 

MARRIAGE AND FAMILY

It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.  Proverbs 25:24

The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down (with her actions and words). Proverbs 14:1

 

As women, we play a vital role in the atmosphere of our home.  There is a saying, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”  What this means is the mother or the wife sets the attitude of the home and those in it.  Even though we are told and know it to be true, that our husbands are head of the home, we as women are the heart of it!

Think about the physical heart.  If the heart doesn’t beat correctly the whole body suffers.  The kidneys, lungs, liver, brain, and all the other major organs don’t get the correct amount of oxygen and blood flow they need and they slowly begin to suffer major damage and eventually they die.  It is the same in a family.  When the mother stops being the spiritual pillar God meant her to be, when she lets life determine her mood, her thoughts, her faithfulness to God or lack thereof;  it affects the husband, children and grandchildren.  I have seen mothers leave church (this is a major sign of where a Christian stands in faithfulness to God) and take their husbands and children right out with them.  They then wonder what happened when catastrophe hits, and know it will hit if you fall away from God!  The wife and mother herself may have just as well gone to her front door and opened it and said, “Come right in, satan!  I am now welcoming you to make yourself right at home!”  There are only two choices in who you will follow.  If you aren’t following God wholeheartedly you are following satan, whether you did it consciously or not, and you will have the effects of it!

If you aren’t walking closely with God, you are not going to be full of joy.  A woman who isn’t full of the joy of the Lord begins to look for that joy other places.  It may be in hobbies, vacations, get-aways, or jobs.  The problem is true joy is only found in one place and that is in the presence of God!  No other place or person on the face of the earth satisfies like Jesus does!

When joy begins to fade contention sets in.  The Bible says it is better for a man to dwell in a desert than in a home with a contentious wife!  What is contention?   The Free Online Dictionary defines it as “the act or an instance of striving in controversy or debate.”  The synonym for it is “discord”.  Discord is defined as…

a. Lack of agreement among persons, groups, or things.
b. Tension or strife resulting from a lack of agreement; dissension.
c.  A confused or harsh sound or mingling of sounds.
Many husbands call this “nagging”.  Contention is a constant atmosphere of strife, an environment rife with strife, a feeling of walking on egg shells,  and ladies we cannot always blame it on menopause, especially if we are in our 20s and 30s!  No matter what your age, you have self-control if you are born again.  It is one of the fruit of the spirit!  It comes with your salvation!
I am thinking of a woman today as I write this whose life has been horrible and it has been that way because she never completely forgave the incidents of her past.  She has been married and remarried to the same man numorous times!  She blames her personality “defects” on things that happened to her as a child.  Our childhoods do have a part in shaping us, but they don’t have to mold us for the worst!  We can let it mold us for the better, no matter how horrible it may have been.  You will never make today better by looking to the past!  If you live in the past, the saying “history repeats itself” is what occurs.  Living and reliving the past never did anyone any good.
Today I watch this lady as she slowly slips away.  You want to cry out to her, “No!  Don’t go that way!! You have grown children who you can’t force back to church when you leave this time!!  You are paying not only with your life, but with the lives of others!!” but there is nothing that can be done.  This woman has been used mightily of God.  She knows what she is doing.  She knew when she first made this new choice.  It is like watching a train wreck and you are helpless to stop it.  I know what she has opened the door to because God has shown me. The devil has come to steal, kill, and destroy her.  She thinks she is in control of it, but she is not.  She has taken the bait and it is only a matter of time until she realizes the force with which she is being pulled!  She will yank on that line, but the one on the other end is smarter and stronger than she is because she gave him power over herself.  She has been her own undoing!  Sin is a horrible thing.  Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay.
A wise woman builds her house from God’s wisdom.  A wise woman is too smart to open doors knowingly to the devil.  She guards her home and her family.  Her husband can trust her to act discreetly and Godly when no on is watching.  She longs for the things of God and knows the consequences of turning from Him.  She loves God too much to desert Him for temporary and empty vanities.  She prays for her family and grows in God so her family will learn how to act and think when adversity comes.  She is a role model to her children and their spouses and their children.  She is NEVER the downfall of another or the undoing of her loved ones and her own home!
We are an influence in this world.  We may not think we influence much, but we influence more than we know.  What we teach our children is passed on to generations to come.  What we say and show our husbands, will either make him feel he can take on the world, or wither from harping discouragement!
Don’t give me a mansion with no love, but give me love and I’ll show you a priceless home!
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How To Stay Sane In The Summer

I have been a mom longer than I have not.

I am here to share with you some ways I keep from pulling out all of my hair half way through summer. Enjoy. :)

Welcome to ReshapeYourFocus.TV {Episode #1}

episode #1 copy


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