Why do they call it raining cats and dogs? Because one day a man stepped outside and stepped in a poodle! (My daughter, Aggie Girl, contributed this one.)
Folks, you cannot make this stuff up! Since going low carb, I have craved hot tea. I have had a craving for chamomile (I don’t know why since I can’t stand the taste of it) and just had to have some! I tell my hubby I am headed to get it and he asked me to pick up some milk while I was there, too.
I get in the car and hope I don’t see anyone I know since I have no make-up on (remember I live in the country so everyone knows each other practically) and head out to satisfy my craving. I think it won’t take long and I daydream of my hot tea, jammies, my new bed, and this great nook book I am reading. This was a night I was looking forward to!
I park and head for the teas. When I get in the store and change my mind and decide to get the milk first. As I head that way I think I’ll get half and half because it is low carb and would be yummy as a creamer in my tea. I get hubby’s milk and walk down a few doors and open it to get the half and half. They have several choices, and I never do well with several choices, so I stand there and start thinking it through. While I am standing there I hear in the back of the cooler a voice! I think for a second I am just imagining this when I hear it again.
Someone is crying out, “HELP, HELP! I AM STUCK IN THE COOLER!” The first thing I think is, it is the end of May and the high school seniors are out and they are giving it one more last “hoorah”! Then the voice calls out again, “Help, help! I am stuck in the cooler, get help!!” What if someone really IS stuck in the cooler? What if they can’t breathe??? I cannot take the chance. I stick my head in the freezer and say, “Hello?” No answer! Oh, sweet goodness it may already be too late!! I stick the rest of my body in from the waist up and say louder, “Hello??? Are you really stuck in the cooler?” “Yes”, the male voice replies, “I am really stuck!! Get help!!!” I turn around and when I do there is a crowd of about 20 people standing at a safe distance with huge grins on their faces! I think if this is a joke somebody is going to be very unhappy by the time I finish telling them about it!
I begin to wonder if I am on “Candid Camera” and I actually look around to see if I can see a camera pointed in my direction. I quickly decide I am not and tell my audience, “Someone is stuck in the cooler and needs help. We have to find someone to get him out!” I hear a ripple of giggles and know I am on my own! Suddenly, a man from the front looks like, “Okay, I’ll go along with it!” and tells me he will help.
The whole time I am walking he won’t stop looking at me like this is all some prank with this cockeyed grin on his face. I realize I am alone to save either this poor man stuck in the freezer, or a prankster that is going to wish he had never laid eyes on me!
I see a man in the meat section that works there and I begin to yell, “SIR, SIR…COME HELP! A MAN IS STUCK IN THE FREEZER!!” The little worker looks totally bewildered like he can’t quite process it. “Why are you looking like that? Can someone get locked in the freezer? He better hope and pray to God he can!!” I let him know with my serious teacher face on! “No ma’am. It opens from the inside, too.” This is not looking good for this faceless voice! If he wasn’t in trouble, he will be now!!
We get back to the refrigerator section and the worker goes to the back. I stand watch! Soon a middle-aged man comes out and he is shaking like a leaf blowing in a blustering wind! “Were you really stuck in there?” Notice I didn’t say, “Are you alright?” Poor little guy! “And before you answer you better hope and pray to God you really were!” while my teacher face gets even more stern! ”Yes ma’am! Someone had pulled the egg carrier in front of the door and I could only get the door open about six inches and I am claustrophobic!”
I turn and go my way, and I am holding back the laughter for all I am worth. I make it about six aisles and pull into the teas and breads and I holler with laughter! I am laughing so hard I am doubled over. A man in front of me looks over his shoulder and mumbles something about a “crazy woman” and gets out of the aisle as fast as he could move! A husband and wife passes and the lady is just so curious she has to ask me what I am laughing at and when I tell her, she hoots!
I finally get checked out and make it to the car where I can really let loose! I laughed so hard I thought I was going to faint! Then I have a sober moment…why, please tell me, why these things ONLY HAPPEN TO ME?? I could get in trouble in an empty room, you know!
The lesson I learned? Never go to Walmart without makeup. You know come to think of it, that guy didn’t even thank me for saving his life! Probably trying to get away from my teacher face, or the cooler…I’m not really sure which one scared him most!
HYSTERICAL CHIHUAHUA VIDEO