You learn a great deal about yourself when you go through rough times. Now, it hasn’t been all that rough lately, but I do wonder what God is up to. For the life of me I cannot figure it out! To catch you up if you are new let me fill you in. About 6+ months ago, when I was in prayer, God spoke to me to sell our house. Hubby prayed about it, too and up on the market it went. It sold for the full amount we were asking lickety split! Now, we live in a travel trailer because we cannot find the next home.
During this time we have felt God’s grace and peace on us, but I am beginning to feel unsettled. I want my house, I want to know where it is, and I want to know what our purpose in all of this has been and what it is to be. I have offered everything to God…my life, our possessions, and if anything is left I truly don’t know what it is!
I have a cousin who is in her eighties. She is beautiful, sassy, still wears high heels every day of her life, and she is a free spirit. She and her husband have been in the ministry for over 60 years. I remember them coming home from ministers’ conferences and Momma would get a phone call and my cousin would say, “Well, we are packing up and moving to Kansas! We have decided to pastor a church there!’ We would drive to their house across town, and true to my cousin’s adventurous nature and words, there would be her husband’s truck and her car loaded up with boxes of towels, kitchen supplies, and pieces of furniture.
I remember this same cousin once sold every possession they owned and bought a travel trailer (this was in the 70′s) and they went on the road to be evangelists. She home schooled her son, their daughter was in college, and off they went as we waved until we could see them no more.
Many people tell me I look like this cousin. I can see it profoundly! I look in the mirror and there is her face staring back at me. Many tell me I act like her, which I never agreed with. Since we sold our house, I am beginning to see it more. I can see selling everything we own, packing up, applying for seminary, and graduating to other things in life.
I have done things lately I never thought I could do. I can fix full meals on a gas travel trailer stove without blowing us all sky-high or without catching the whole place on fire! I truly never thought I could do that! I even deep-fried hot water cornbread and lived to eat it!
I can see waving good-bye to friends and family to go into territory only God has been to ahead of us. But, what if that isn’t what God sees? Unless God builds the house the laborers labor in vain. I tell the Lord, ‘God is this what You want? Do you want us to sell all we have and pursue a life of service solely to and for you? What do You want and why won’t You tell us?” All my life I have waited for something it seems. All my life I feel like I have been at the back of the line. If that is where my place is that is fine, but why then do I feel it isn’t? And if it isn’t, then where? I have so many questions and so few answers. This one is ongoing. I am still waiting to see the end of this new beginning…
I have blogged for almost three years now. I have loved it, but I have felt over the months it is coming to a close. I have sensed a new door is opening in our changing lives.
It is so hard to let go of the familiar. I have loved writing! I have to say, I used to get devotions, scriptures, and articles on a daily basis from the Holy Spirit to write on and it just isn’t that way anymore. I have my own personal time with God daily, and I am always led to the Word of God but lately it seems to be something very personal and private.
Am I going to quit writing the blog altogether? No! I will write as the Holy Spirit inspires me, but not often for now. I think for a while I will be putting it down and waiting on what God has next. Thank you so very much all who have supported ‘simplyjuliana’!!! Oh, I cannot say that enough!! Your likes and comments have been such a blessing to me! You are ALWAYS in my prayers!!
May God bless you richly, dear reader! I pray your life is filled with love, good times, and EVERY blessing!! For now, goodbye…until we meet again. Simply, Juliana
God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? Numbers 23:19
I have been patiently waiting for our next house to come open for a whole month. How silly that sounds to my own ears, but living in a one bedroom travel trailer is something that takes patience, organization (messes can pile up quickly), and grace to do. I am so thankful God provided us with it and a place to park, but I am ready to ‘go home’.
I have found my ‘dream home’. If you have bought a house recently or sold one you know there is so much to it. In my naïve way, I kind of thought it would be like going to the grocery store and getting whatever you needed, neatly placing it on the counter, and then paying and leaving. How out of the ‘loop’ I am!
As I wait, I have found myself praying a familiar prayer. ‘If it is okay with you, Father. Thy will be done! Don’t let us make a wrong move!!” I have heard so many times, our lives can get messy because we didn’t say or do something a certain way and we caused our own demise. Yes, that is true to a degree. Something I have learned is God is not so uninvolved in our lives that He would let us totally mess it up beyond repair. God is merciful and full of graciousness and compassion. If your child were about to step into oncoming traffic, would you not reach out and grab them?? They have their own free will, yes, but you still have an element of control over situations in their lives when they are small. God will not ‘control’ us, but He certainly will protect us when we are doing our best for Him.
I remember Joyce Meyer teaching once that God told her, “Joyce, I am not as hard to get along with as some make Me out to be.” I know what He means when He says that. I think people many times measure God by their authoritative and exacting bosses, abusive fathers, or controlling spouses. We measure God by people and it will never compute that way! Why? Because you have tried to put the wrong variables together.
God is not a man. He is not like people who live and deal with others by whims, moods, or personality types. God is good and is love. His very nature is compassion and mercy! Do we try Him due to that? Of course not! But, we know God has only good planned for us and He will get that good to us!
If you saw your child doing their best at school, yet struggling in a subject would you punish them? If you are a good parent you would not. You would hire tutors, get them extra help, meet with their teacher to let them know you are aware there is a problem and you are there to help. Why? Because you know it isn’t that child’s fault. You know they are doing all they are capable of doing and your love for your child has caused you to feel compassion toward them. It has caused you to do things you would not normally have done to ensure your child’s success!
God is no different with us. He gives full grace and leads us in ways we didn’t know to go on our own, to get us to the best place, at the right time for us.
Thank God for reminders of his grace and mercy. In the meantime, I will patiently wait knowing He can be fully trusted.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8 NIV
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Philippians 4:8