I look over the past five months and they are bittersweet. Great memories were made with my parents I would not have had, had we not sold our home. I cherish those days! I learned how to cook on a gas stove without blowing the whole thing up or even starting a fire! For this Lucy, that is HUGE!! I learned how to throw breakers back on, what causes them to blow in the first place, and learned a bit about electricity and wiring. Not too shabby!
Our days in this lifestyle are quickly ending. The appraiser for the new house has been scheduled, and in the meantime, I lie in bed at night and ‘daydream’ of every nook and cranny of the new house and where I am going to put every piece of furniture, hang every picture, and what color valances I put up will be.
Yesterday, Momma and I went to shop for shower curtains…another precious memory for me. After almost losing her 2 years ago, I grab and hold every one I get! I turned Momma loose basically. We had so much fun oohing and ahhing over shower curtains, towels, fingertip towels, and throw rugs!
I see hubby on his cherished riding lawn mower mowing a gorgeous 4.5 acres. His Aggie hat is on his head and a smile is on his face as he rides the mower to a grove of Oaks near the edge of the property line where deer often come out to play and graze. His dream has come true, too!
Things I have needed for the new house I have found very easily! I can see God leading me even in the most simple of things concerning this new adventure, and great beginning of this new journey!
I have come to love the lady we are buying this house from. I never knew she lived in our town. How can I be somewhere for 53 years, live in a small town and not know everyone in it? She is a jewel! There is no way to NOT love her!!
She is a Christian lady and a very godly woman. The moment I met her I liked her. Warmth emanates from her smile and gentleness from her kind eyes. She is selfless and giving! I look forward to little things to tell her because it gives me an excuse to talk to her.
We talk about things with the house, but our great pleasure is when we talk about the Lord. She goes through the same emotions about the house I do. She voices them to me and it is as if she has read my mind. I confess I have those thoughts about all of this, too. We laugh because our beliefs, emotions, and opinions are so similar! In some cases they are identical! I have found a friend for life I believe…oh, how God thinks of everything!
You learn a great deal about yourself when you go through rough times. Now, it hasn’t been all that rough lately, but I do wonder what God is up to. For the life of me I cannot figure it out! To catch you up if you are new let me fill you in. About 6+ months ago, when I was in prayer, God spoke to me to sell our house. Hubby prayed about it, too and up on the market it went. It sold for the full amount we were asking lickety split! Now, we live in a travel trailer because we cannot find the next home.
During this time we have felt God’s grace and peace on us, but I am beginning to feel unsettled. I want my house, I want to know where it is, and I want to know what our purpose in all of this has been and what it is to be. I have offered everything to God…my life, our possessions, and if anything is left I truly don’t know what it is!
I have a cousin who is in her eighties. She is beautiful, sassy, still wears high heels every day of her life, and she is a free spirit. She and her husband have been in the ministry for over 60 years. I remember them coming home from ministers’ conferences and Momma would get a phone call and my cousin would say, “Well, we are packing up and moving to Kansas! We have decided to pastor a church there!’ We would drive to their house across town, and true to my cousin’s adventurous nature and words, there would be her husband’s truck and her car loaded up with boxes of towels, kitchen supplies, and pieces of furniture.
I remember this same cousin once sold every possession they owned and bought a travel trailer (this was in the 70′s) and they went on the road to be evangelists. She home schooled her son, their daughter was in college, and off they went as we waved until we could see them no more.
Many people tell me I look like this cousin. I can see it profoundly! I look in the mirror and there is her face staring back at me. Many tell me I act like her, which I never agreed with. Since we sold our house, I am beginning to see it more. I can see selling everything we own, packing up, applying for seminary, and graduating to other things in life.
I have done things lately I never thought I could do. I can fix full meals on a gas travel trailer stove without blowing us all sky-high or without catching the whole place on fire! I truly never thought I could do that! I even deep-fried hot water cornbread and lived to eat it!
I can see waving good-bye to friends and family to go into territory only God has been to ahead of us. But, what if that isn’t what God sees? Unless God builds the house the laborers labor in vain. I tell the Lord, ‘God is this what You want? Do you want us to sell all we have and pursue a life of service solely to and for you? What do You want and why won’t You tell us?” All my life I have waited for something it seems. All my life I feel like I have been at the back of the line. If that is where my place is that is fine, but why then do I feel it isn’t? And if it isn’t, then where? I have so many questions and so few answers. This one is ongoing. I am still waiting to see the end of this new beginning…
Psalm 103 Amplified
1 Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul; and all that is [deepest] within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless (affectionately, gratefully praise) the Lord, O my soul, and forget not [one of] all His benefits—
3 Who forgives [every one of] all your iniquities, Who heals [each one of] all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from the pit and corruption, Who beautifies, dignifies, and crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercy;
5 Who satisfies your mouth [your necessity and desire at your personal age and situation] with good so that your youth, renewed, is like the eagle’s [strong, overcoming, soaring]!
New King James Version (NKJV)
24 Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,
And He who formed you from the womb:
“I am the Lord, who makes all things,
Who stretches out the heavens all alone,
Who spreads abroad the earth by Myself;
25 Who frustrates the signs of the babblers,
And drives diviners mad;
Who turns wise men backward,
And makes their knowledge foolishness;
26 Who confirms the word of His servant,
Amplified Bible (AMP)
18 The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow….